While I was getting ready for the day this morning, a somewhat shocking thought popped into my head: I’m actually living the life I’ve always dreamed of. I mean not everything is exactly as I want it to be, but for the most part it’s pretty great. I wanted a pretty simple life surrounded with the basics–a loving partner, comfortable home and meaningful work–and all of a sudden, I have all of that. If someone had told me years ago when I was flying solo in my cozy apartment that I would feel this way , I might not have believed it. It just always seemed like it would happen sometime in the future.
But these things didn’t happen by accident, I was taught how to draw them closer.
Growing up each summer before the school year started, I’d go on an annual goal setting luncheon with my mom and that really set the stage for a lot of my powerful, positive beliefs. It’s pretty simple: think good thoughts and good things happen. I’ve seen it work over + over. And even though I have always believed in affirmations, setting goals and putting ‘it’ out there in the universe, when these actual things come to pass? It still feels a little bit like magic.
Because the saying is true–what you focus on, will grow. When I’m in a bad mood, all I recognize is the nasty person on the check out line or the horrible events happening in the world. When I’m in a happier, more intentional state of mind, it’s easy to recognize the sweet words from a friend or the magical luminosity of the full moon. I see it again and again: I create my own reality.
So as I gear up for the next phase of my life–growing deeper in my relationship with Chris, working to make my art business bloom and sprucing up our little nest –I want to tattoo this phrase on my heart so I never forget. What I focus on will grow.
I want to focus on guilt-free, gentle living. I want to enjoy the birds and wildlife in my backyard and spend hours blissfully painting in my studio. I want to love Chris up so much that he’s a puddle of calm. It all sounds so simple, doesn’t it?
So what stops me from always being this way?
I started reading this book called The Big Leap last week and it talks all about this exact topic: what stops us from accepting that we could always be content, happy or satisfied? The author insists that it’s about how we periodically reach what we believe is our own ‘upper limit’. Which means this: when we feel like we’ve gotten to what we believe is the level of happiness we deserve, we self-sabotage. We stop the flow of happiness and good vibes right in their tracks; it’s as if we don’t believe we have the right to an endless well of good fortune. And yet, we do.
So I try to remember: what if I let go of those old fears + boring script that runs around in my head and expected happiness as the norm? It would continue to improve my life, and here’s the kicker–it would make other people’s lives better, too. Because aren’t we are all encouraged by other people’s success and happiness?
I’m deciding to look at it as bravery to accept continual happiness as my right, even though it may feel a little arrogant at times. And maybe it’s even my duty to show how you too, can be perpetually satisfied; all you have to do is focus on what you really, really want.