Don’t Be Seduced By The Struggle. {Follow The Ease.}

One of the most seductive lies we’re told is: you have to struggle to get what you want.

We are taught at a young age that we must fight for what we want–as if life is a battle and we are waging our own personal war. This defensive and fearful attitude sets us up for pain and suffering, no? It teaches us we must always be prepared to engage in combat in order to be happy. Coming from this perspective, we forget that things can happen easily and effortlessly in life.

If we are constantly reinforcing thoughts about struggle and hardship, how can anything else show up?

I know in my own life when I am trying too hard to make something happen or if I’m white-knuckling it, the object of my desire usually eludes me. It’s doubly frustrating because I see what I’m doing, but I just can’t get out of my own way.

During these times, if I take a step back and relax a little, things often fall into place. It’s only when I evaluate what the struggle really means to me does it become clear why I’m pushing through it so hard to begin with. Am I coming from a place of lack or insecurity? Struggles are often rooted in fear–taking a deeper look helps me stop making choices out of fear. When I remember this, I can step back and see where I can choose ease instead.

No matter how you slice it, challenges are a part of life; they build character and confidence. And when kept in check, these growth experiences can bring us to the next level. The key is knowing the difference between challenges and true struggle; only you can determine that. One is helpful while the other instills fear and can ultimately hold you back.

Here are some ways to flow effortlessly through struggles:

1) Live in the moment. Getting what you want out of life comes from living in the moment and enjoying the pleasures that it brings. Accepting what’s happening NOW and not living in the past or future allows us to enjoy the ease of living for today.

2) Find pleasure in simple things. “The best things in life are free” was a popular song for a reason. When you enjoy the simple pleasures of life, it fills you with ease. Life becomes fun again.

3) Be helpful to others. When you come from a mindset of giving, the universe delivers it back to you ten-fold; Karma is what makes the world go around. Helpful people always see solutions rather than problems + often receive help as much as they give it.

4) Be open to different alternatives. If you get stuck thinking that only one way will do, it sure limits your options! People that live with ease are open to doing one thing many ways; they are open to the idea that their way may not be best + are open to try new things.

I know a lot of times when I’m out of my own flow and buying into the struggle, it’s because of pressure from external factors: society telling me where I’m supposed to be by a certain time of life, what kind of work I should be doing, what environment I should be in etc. It’s in these murky waters that my own dreams and wishes can get lost.

Struggle depletes the inner joy we naturally possess because it is not our instinctive default; happiness is.

Happiness is the antidote to struggle. Happiness cultivates moments of ease, especially when we follow our gut because it helps us move forward. With a happiness mindset, things happen effortlessly. We are meant to be happy.

When I’m happy, I pick the ease-ier way. I follow my gut, I trust the flow of life. I don’t get caught up in the keeping-up-with-anyone and I just focus on what my heart is saying. The struggles seem to disappear. Choosing happiness brings me back to focusing on who I am and who I am becoming. And that’s the best place to be.

Don’t Be Seduced By The Struggle. {Follow The Ease.}Steph2018-03-29T20:23:19-04:00

The Secret to Happiness: Let Go Of These 5 Lame Beliefs. {Part 1}

As much as we try to deny it, we all have those stories about our life that we tell over and over again. (I know I do!) A lot of the time, those stories are of pain and heartache; they can feel so heavy sometimes. We’re hoping that talking about it over and over will change the outcome, or things will just feel different the more we tell them. It’s the wishful thinking that some magical solution will appear when we aren’t looking.

Telling the stories over and over doesn’t make them go away; in fact it does quite the opposite. This type of thinking holds us back. It delays our happiness; it reinforces the struggle and keeps those feelings alive and thriving in our mind. Thankfully, there is a solution to this emotional merry-go-round, and it’s not as hard as you think.

What is it time to let it go of?

Let go of the idea that you’re going to get it together. We’re constantly changing beings. Nothing stays the same, that’s the beauty of stretching limits and growing in life. The sooner you accept that you’re always going to have to make adjustments in your life and it won’t be wrapped in a pretty bow, the happier you’ll be.

Let go of needing someone or something to fix you. That house, car, partner or kid is not going to make you feel like the person you always thought you were. Things don’t make you happy, experiences do. Stop chasing satisfaction from the outside and find that rich inner life that you want to explore.

Let go of people or things you’ve outgrown. It’s hard to let go of friends or objects that you’ve had forever but if they are not contributing to your growth and happiness, they are holding you back. Have the courage to let them go so they can find someone else that they will thrill and excite.

Let go of being seduced by the struggle. Don’t buy into the idea that everything takes hard work to happen. It’s true, life is full of challenges, but sometimes the most beautiful things happen easily and effortlessly. Life can often be quite easy when you let it; don’t question that gift from the universe.

Let go of the hurt. “Holding a grudge is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die” (Buddha) We’re all tender, vulnerable beings and we get hurt everyday in some way. Letting go and letting lightness back in will make you a stronger, more compassionate person.

Take a deep breath.

Make some space for yourself by letting go.

The universe will reward your courage.

The Secret to Happiness: Let Go Of These 5 Lame Beliefs. {Part 1}Steph2018-03-29T20:23:24-04:00

Comparison is the thief of joy. {Don’t do it.}

YOU ARE AMAZING. Has anyone told you that lately? You are amazing. There is no one else in this world like you. You are unique and beautiful and simply divine.

There is a very special, very specific genius about you. You have a very unique set of talents and skills; whether you hide them or show the world, is up to you. And I know showing up can be scary at times.

I remember when I was starting my abstract painting class a few years ago. It’s full of adult painters that have been painting for quite sometime. They all have a specific style, they know how to begin on a blank canvas (that can be tricky), and they know what to do for inspiration when they get stuck.

I remember the incredible frustration I felt during the first couple of months of class–I felt clumsy and foolish (I still do some days). Learning something new as an adult can be downright painful at times.

I wanted so badly to paint what I was imagining in my head, but the translation from mind to canvas was just. not. happening. I would look around and see how awesome the other paintings were and how badly my work sucked.

Comparing myself to others felt like a heavy weight in my heart because something that was supposed to be fun, had become a struggle. That competitive instinct started to kick in and it didn’t feel good. After all, I was taking this class to relax and explore my creativity; not to be the ‘best painter’ and earn a gold star.

So, I had a serious pep talk with myself.

I vowed that when I looked around the class, I would make myself see opportunities. Instead of getting frustrated with what they were doing (and I was not), I promised I would make myself see the many techniques that I could copy and learn from. My classmates were years ahead of me in training. It was silly to think that I would catch up to them in a few months!

See, that’s the thing–when we compare ourselves to others, we don’t know where they are on the path. We could be comparing our beginning steps to the middle of their journey; It’s like comparing apples to sneakers.

When I reframed it from that beginner’s mind, I began to relax and find my own style. When I stopped the comparison game, the very thing I was seeking had room to grow and show itself. I just needed to get out of my own way.

There’s always going to be someone smarter and more successful than you because people don’t grow at the same pace, at the same time. And that’s a good thing–we need others to inspire us, to show us what can be done. Just try to avoid the comparison game; it’s self defeating and only succeeds in stunting your growth.

Resist the urge to compare your insides to someone else’s outside.

It’s a losing battle and the view always looks better looking in.

Let go of the comparisons and dig in to your brilliance. The world is waiting for you.

Comparison is the thief of joy. {Don’t do it.}Steph2018-03-29T20:23:26-04:00

We’re all tender. Be kind.

Always try to be a little kinder than is necessary. ― J.M. Barrie

I’ve been thinking a lot about kindness lately. I’ve always had a visceral physical reaction to others when they struggle, especially when I see a frail old person–it touches something deep inside of me. I try to be helpful when I can, but I’ve come to understand that strife is often just a part of living.

But it got me thinking: how can I be more tender and kind to people in my life?

Not just the gas station attendant or the bank teller, but the people I’m closest to: my best friend, my sister, my love. And it’s the ones that I brush up against everyday, the ones that can often rub me the wrong way I need to remember to be the most kind to!

So, how am I tender in times of annoyance? Here are some tips I use:

1) Give it to myself first. I HAVE to be kind to myself before I can extend kindness to anyone else. That inner voice yelling at me for eating that piece of cake? That’s not kind. Finding a way to be gentle with myself makes it a lot easier to extend that courtesy to others.

2) Walk in someone else’s shoes. When I see people struggling, I think about the last horrible day I had and I just imagine that’s how they are feeling. It’s a lot easier to lend them a helping hand through that lens because I know how they feel. They may be having a horrible day of their own and that empathy leads me to be more kind.

3)Make it easy to do. Kindness doesn’t have to be giving someone half of my lottery winnings (although that would be very nice). It’s more of a willing smile. A pleasant hello. A door held open. This unexpected simple stuff is what makes people’s day.

Being kind is a necessary quality to cultivate, especially as an adult. I mean it’s pretty easy for me to resort to the grounding habits I know when the shit hits the fan; crisis makes it easy to be kind. But what about the everyday pleasantries?

Who you are is what you do on an everyday basis.

That’s how habits are formed, slow and steady. It’s what you do everyday that counts and builds character. You know that edge that we all have? That’s the sprint. Kindness is the marathon.

We’re all tender. Be kind.Steph2018-03-29T20:23:28-04:00