limits Archives - Stephanie Martel: Artist

Busy Does Not Mean Better

In the spirit of being adventurous and open-hearted, I’ve gotten into the habit of saying yes to a lot of things in my life. In the beginning, it was an exercise in faith and trusting the universe, that what I needed would come my way. It opened me up to new experiences and expanded my heart and mind–mission accomplished.

But lately I’m just feeling really busy. Do you know what I’m talking about? When you spend time doing things that aren’t necessarily adding value to your life, but you do it just because you said you would? Yuck.

So as a result, I’m making it a point to being more intentional these days with my time + energy. I’m trying to set boundaries and create a framework that allows me to enjoy what I’m doing when I’m doing it. Imagine that. And instead of feeling selfish about it, I’m looking at it as self-care.

I want to be intentional about my life and not let it just happen to me.

For example: I recently admitted to myself that I don’t love going out at night after work, during the week. Once in a while is fine, but I’m trying to make it a habit not to schedule social activities at night during the week unless it’s something that I really want to do.

And being a social person, this can be hard–my actions conflict with my feelings. I want to be that fun person who’s ready to go at a moment’s notice. But….I’m realizing, I’m just not. I need time to decompress at the end of each day. And if I go out, I don’t get to unwind and it does something funky to my psyche. I become irritated and tired Steph. She’s no fun.

In this adventure of un-busying my life, I’m getting to know myself better and listening to my heart. It feels really good to tune in to what I want, and just say no. I acknowledge that trying to do it all doesn’t work for me. And the more that concept sinks in, the lovelier it feels to let myself off the hook.

Here are some of the questions I ask myself to re-calibrate how I’m spending my time, maybe they’ll help you too:

What do I enjoy doing? It’s such a simple question but sometimes we get bogged down in life by obligations. Remembering my joy triggers each day are such a necessity–Reading, watching a movie, painting, spending quality time with Chris–and I want to do that as much as possible.

How do I want to feel? How I want to feel is the driver of all things in my life. It is the fuel to my fire: content, calm and inspired. These core feelings help me make decisions throughout my day.

What are my limits? Knowing my limits allows me to set healthy boundaries. I know I need no less than 8 hours of sleep a night, so I plan accordingly. I also love weird, healthy food (I’m one of those) and need to sweat out my stress regularly to stay sane.

What do I want to accomplish? Having a basic plan helps me organize my thoughts and actions throughout the day. Whether it’s a new blog post or starting a new painting, I have mini goals that motivate me and keep me on track.

Being busy doesn’t mean getting a lot done. It just means we don’t have time to deeply examine our choices. Sometimes what we stop doing is just as important as what we start doing; how can you become less busy today and more in tune with yourself?

Busy Does Not Mean BetterSteph2018-03-29T20:23:15-04:00

Testing Your Limits, Getting Clear, Handling Change + The Holidays: The November Wrap-Up

Testing Your Limits vs. Honoring Them. {What Bootcamp Taught Me.}

Last week I was coerced by the manager of my gym to try a new group workout; it was a bootcamp of sorts but with less people and it was run by a personal trainer. My workout routine is pretty predictable, so trying this class was a wild departure for me.

Just to set the record straight–I love a good workout. I love to sweat out the day’s stress and feel that physical tiredness. So, even though I wanted to be excited for my adventurous workout choice, my internal dialogue sounded like this: “This is a bad idea, I don’t do well in these classes! I’ll feel so uncoordinated and awkward, I’m probably going to hurt myself”….

Getting Clear On the WHY of Your Work Will Lead You To The WHAT.

A few short years ago, I was the Dean of Students at a small, women’s liberal arts college. At 32 years old, this would be considered a major score, yes? The only problem was, I liked the idea of my position more than the actual work.

Sure, it was rewarding to be a part of an administration that wanted to implement change + growth in their students and it was impressive to my friends and family, but I just wasn’t loving it like I knew I should. I had worked so hard for years towards that role but something just fell flat when I finally arrived. It made me feel so confused –I was supposed to love that job, but…I didn’t…

Change Is Inevitable. {How You Deal With It Is Optional.}

I can remember my first day of kindergarten quite vividly–I wore a navy jumper and was rockin’ a Dorothy Hamill bowl cut. I had been working myself into a tizzy for months; that summer I got up everyday and practiced packing my bag for school. (Yes, I actually did this.) I am the third of four kids, so I’m not sure who was more excited–me or my parents, but their calm and encouraging attitude fueled my glee…

5 Ways I Handle The Holidays Like A Boss. {And You Can Too.}

It’s that time of year when emotions are high and patience runs very low. Gifts to buy! Food to cook! Pounds to avoid! Relatives to manage! How do you survive the pressure of it all? Here are 5 tips on how I get through the holidays without an emotional or physical hangover.

1) Put the fork down. Whenever I think of the holidays, all I think about is the food. Am I the only one that thinks this way? I have so many memories of sitting around the table enjoying a feast, but these marathon family sessions lead to eating with total abandon. At every meal. I literally have to remind myself that I’ll most likely eat another meal in the next 3-4 hours, so I shouldn’t eat like it’s my last one. Eating recklessly only makes me regret it the next day so I try to put the fork down sooner and chug water whenever I can…

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Testing Your Limits, Getting Clear, Handling Change + The Holidays: The November Wrap-UpSteph2018-03-29T20:23:20-04:00

Testing Your Limits vs. Honoring Them. {What Bootcamp Taught Me.}

That wasn’t a proud moment for me–I was taking on a new challenge and I was immediately admitting defeat. I think it was because deep down I knew what was coming–I’ve peered through the window at those classes and I’ve seen things they do in them. I knew that I would try too hard and push beyond what I knew was good for me, just to prove I could.

So on the night of the class, I walked into the room and saw hanging contraptions, weights, those dreaded jump boxes, and overall pain inflicting items; I panicked.

True to my expectations, within the first 5 minutes of class, we were doing deep squats with a 20 pound bar. Next, we started rotating in pull ups (oh my GOD!) It was my own private hell but I wanted to be brave, so I dug in.

There’s a difference between challenging your comfort zone and honoring your limits–only you know what that is.

As I awkwardly trudged through my third pull up, I pulled a muscle in my neck that ran down to my upper back. That inner voice came roaring in saying, “I knew this was going to happen!” Part of me wanted to be tough and stick it out. I wanted to show them (and myself) that I could do new things, that I too, could be tough like them. But I I had to stop–I was in so much pain that I couldn’t turn my head.

I was so annoyed for ignoring what I knew to be true: that my body and mind don’t do well with these kind of workouts.

It was then that I realized the only person I was trying to prove something to, was myself. No one else cared if I did the squats or the pull-ups; the other participants didn’t even flinch when I walked out the door, they were too busy focusing on themselves.

The experience was a good reminder of the difference between challenging myself (which comes in a gentle nudge or whisper, with feelings of excitement) and pushing beyond my limits (which shows up as tightness, nervous mind talk and thoughts of worst-case-scenarios.)

We listen to our inner voice to gauge danger; it protects us in times of need–and never trusting that inner navigation creates anxiety and fear because it takes away comfort and stability. Other times, we try new things to test our limits because it’s important for growth. If we aren’t open to new experiences, we become stagnant and stuck. Only you can determine when it’s a good time to test your limits and when it’s time to honor them.

The key is to strike a balance between the two. You may discover the balance in a boot camp class, but you won’t see me there.

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Testing Your Limits vs. Honoring Them. {What Bootcamp Taught Me.}Steph2018-03-29T20:23:21-04:00