Spirituality Archives - Page 5 of 5 - Stephanie Martel: Artist

We’re all tender. Be kind.

Always try to be a little kinder than is necessary. ― J.M. Barrie

I’ve been thinking a lot about kindness lately. I’ve always had a visceral physical reaction to others when they struggle, especially when I see a frail old person–it touches something deep inside of me. I try to be helpful when I can, but I’ve come to understand that strife is often just a part of living.

But it got me thinking: how can I be more tender and kind to people in my life?

Not just the gas station attendant or the bank teller, but the people I’m closest to: my best friend, my sister, my love. And it’s the ones that I brush up against everyday, the ones that can often rub me the wrong way I need to remember to be the most kind to!

So, how am I tender in times of annoyance? Here are some tips I use:

1) Give it to myself first. I HAVE to be kind to myself before I can extend kindness to anyone else. That inner voice yelling at me for eating that piece of cake? That’s not kind. Finding a way to be gentle with myself makes it a lot easier to extend that courtesy to others.

2) Walk in someone else’s shoes. When I see people struggling, I think about the last horrible day I had and I just imagine that’s how they are feeling. It’s a lot easier to lend them a helping hand through that lens because I know how they feel. They may be having a horrible day of their own and that empathy leads me to be more kind.

3)Make it easy to do. Kindness doesn’t have to be giving someone half of my lottery winnings (although that would be very nice). It’s more of a willing smile. A pleasant hello. A door held open. This unexpected simple stuff is what makes people’s day.

Being kind is a necessary quality to cultivate, especially as an adult. I mean it’s pretty easy for me to resort to the grounding habits I know when the shit hits the fan; crisis makes it easy to be kind. But what about the everyday pleasantries?

Who you are is what you do on an everyday basis.

That’s how habits are formed, slow and steady. It’s what you do everyday that counts and builds character. You know that edge that we all have? That’s the sprint. Kindness is the marathon.

We’re all tender. Be kind.Steph2018-03-29T20:23:28-04:00

5 Ways to stress less when the universe is messing with your mojo

It started out as a relaxing morning; I was driving to the gym and wanted to make a quick stop to put some air in a suspiciously low tire. I jumped out of the driver’s seat and the door clicked shut. Like a pro, I filled the tire lickety split, grabbed the handle of the door to get back in… and the car was locked.

It wouldn’t have been such a big deal but, the car was still running. Not to mention my money, ID and phone were hanging out on the seat. And no, I didn’t accidentally lock the car, it locked on it’s own. (I swear!) So much for shortcuts.

What was meant to be a happy productive day of exercise! working on my blog! lunch with a friend! quickly turned into a stressful pain in the ass. It was a total buzzkill.

It got me thinking–how can we prevent everyday stress from killing our mojo? Daily stress will always be there, it’s a part of life. And sometimes stress is good, because it motivates us and keeps us moving. But in this case? It was a total bummer to get locked out! #nothelpful

So what should we do when over the top stress just plain sucks the life out of us? Here are some ideas on how to stress less:

Short of death and dismemberment, there are few things that can’t be fixed/undone/changed. When in a stressful moment, taking a deep breath will help get things in perspective. OR, do a jumping jack to get out of that crazed feeling in your head and get back to being present in your body. Afterall, attitude determines altitude. Using these tricks changed my thought to: “At least this happened when I have a flexible day so I don’t have to stress about screwing up a rigid schedule.”

Give in to the moment. When we stress about things, it’s often a projection of what might happen in the future as a result of one bad occurrence. Stay in the now so you don’t get all crazy about the future.

Ask for help. God knows we’ve all had our share of stressful moments! Asking for help always seems to take a little pressure off and it gives others a chance to feel good too. Given the opportunity, I’ve found most people like to be helpful (and thanked!)

Loosen the grip. Instead of waiting on line and being royally irked by the loud talker in front of me, I try to imagine her having a hearing problem (so she needs to talk louder) or I imagine her as a little girl that was bullied (she just wants to be heard). A little compassion can go a long way.

Give in to the actual moment so it can pass. Stress isn’t always bad–it can help get things done and keep life moving along. But stress can make even the most chill of people, flip out. So when a situation starts to feel like a tight noose around my neck, sometimes I just throw my hands up and say mercy. It helps me to see the situation for what it is, and move on.

Stress happens. Sometimes the only way out is through.

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Two hours later, multiple phone calls and failed attempts to locate my spare key, a kind soul finally opened my car door with a jimmy-thing (proving me right about people just wanting to be helpful). I thanked the gas station attendants and the various people that tried to help along the way and I hopped in my car, grateful to be back in action. Let’s just say now when I leave my car, so do my keys.

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5 Ways to stress less when the universe is messing with your mojoSteph2018-03-29T20:23:29-04:00

Curious about meditation? How and why to start a practice.

“The flowering of love is meditation.” – Jiddu Krishnamurti

I’m feeling a little shy to say this, but I meditate. It started after a bad breakup; I was a bit of a hot mess and was grasping at anything to relieve the pain. Stuck on an emotional merry-go-round in my head, I couldn’t stop obsessing about where things went wrong.

A friend saw how much pain I was in and suggested I try meditation as a way to ground myself. I wish I could say I felt instant relief, but I was so stuck that I felt like a caged animal. My thoughts were relentless. You know what I’m talking about: that constant ferris wheel of pain we ride on when we’re hurt? Yeah. It’s an endless route of not being able to let go.

Desperate for change, I stuck with it. I thought, surely all those meditators can’t be crazy. And then a few sessions in, something clicked–It felt like I was giving myself permission to stop obsessing.

It felt like meditation was my much needed, self-imposed time out. I was finally loving ME and practicing compassion towards myself.

I love this video of Russell Simmons breaking it down:

I wish I could say I am a strict practitioner and regularly experience awakenings (I’m not and I don’t). But I do always come back to it; I keep trying because it gives me something that no form of exercise or activity has ever given me: no place to go but in.

And when you go in, you can be who you really are.

Over the years, my practice has had an ebb and flow. Right now I’m in a 3-4 days a week cycle of sitting for 5 minutes. (Yes! Only 5 minutes and even that can be hard to fit in some days. I have gotten up to 20 minutes so I know I can get there again.)

There are many different types of meditation and mindfulness resources, but here is a basic way to get started:

Set a timer for 5 minutes. You can increase it as you become more comfortable with sitting each time, or stay at 5 minutes! No pressure.
Sit somewhere you won’t be disturbed in whatever position that is comfortable to you, place your hands gently in your lap and close your eyes (just try to avoid lying down– that will encourage you to fall asleep).
Focus on your breathing—hear your breath go in and out of your nose.
When you notice a thought come up (it will), just acknowledge it and let it go. That’s totally normal! Just let go of how you think it should feel and listen to the sound of your breath. Almost see it like a cloud floating by and let it pass.
Voila! You just meditated!

Just trying it is part of the practice. There are thousands of thoughts running through our minds everyday. Sometimes the inner chatter alone can be exhausting. Other times we are totally oblivious to our thoughts (are you listening to me subconscious?) Either way, it’s usually the mind controlling us, not us controlling the mind. Meditation can change that.

There is no magic formula, just sit and be quiet. Try to be consistent and schedule it in your day. When you sit, the same thoughts may keep coming up–that’s called monkey brain and it happens to everyone. Just keep practicing and be gentle with yourself.

Quick Facts:

Meditation is actually the act of trying to meditate.
Meditation improves memory function and helps to identify habitual thoughts that can be self-defeating. (I felt a pang of relief when I realized that.)
Mediation can actually change the structure of your brain (for the better).
You may never feel like you are ‘great at it’; that’s why they call it a practice.

Treat every moment as your last. It is not preparation for something else. ― Shunryu Suzuki, Zen Mind, Beginner’s Mind

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Curious about meditation? How and why to start a practice.Steph2018-03-29T20:23:29-04:00

How Do You Know What To Believe In?

I was in a stressful, sad space this weekend. Something serious happened to someone I love and he ended up in the ICU of a big NYC hospital. The situation required my attention, time and whole heart to be present with him. It’s looking like things will improve back to normal over time, but it’s that time that makes me so impatient.

Wanting things to be different, wishing to speed things up (healing, understanding, growth); I wanted a magic wand to wash it all away or change it instantly because it’s just plain uncomfortable.

It’s times like these that make me think of faith.

What is it? Where does it come from? I know mine is an ever-changing, living thing. I was raised in a strict Roman Catholic family where we went to church every Sunday. I didn’t think much about it when I was young, it was just something we did.

As I’ve gotten older and encountered different challenging situations, I’ve realized it’s easy to have faith when things are going well.

It’s the troubled times that challenge my faith and make me dive in and really see what it’s all about. Faith begins when the doubt creeps in.

I like to think of myself as Christian-Bu (a buddhist christian). It feels to me like all religious paths lead to the same general space. Aren’t they basically saying the same thing? Be kind to each other, respect your neighbor, don’t do/say anything you wouldn’t be proud to do/say in front of your mother, keep the main thing the main thing.

I have found being flexible to be a big part of faith–knowing that nothing is set in stone and situations can change in an instant. The part of faith is having that trust–knowing it will work out how it’s supposed to work out.

My faith has become a springboard of sorts. When things are bad, I dive in; when things are good, I try to throw a mental tennis ball against it to make sure it comes back to me (by way of meditation). To some, faith is nothing more than a wish in the wind, a fleeting thought of comfort, wondering what to believe.

Even though my faith fluctuates here and there, I want more than that. I find it’s the tough time that challenges me to flex my muscles around letting go. Because I’ve found that’s what it’s really about…letting go of my wants and knowing to a certain extent, it is out of my hands.

When things get beyond our control, having faith means letting go.

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What do you do in times that challenge you? Do you define your understanding of faith so that it helps you and makes you grow?

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How Do You Know What To Believe In?Steph2018-03-29T20:23:30-04:00

Original Art: The Fever Breaks

The Fever Breaks

“There is a vitality, a life force, an energy, a quickening that is translated through you into action, and because there is only one of you in all time, this expression is unique. And if you block it, it will never exist through any other medium and will be lost.” –Martha Graham

Awesome, right?

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Original Art: The Fever BreaksSteph2018-03-29T20:23:30-04:00

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